How do you tell your child?

I want to start this by saying I appreciate every ones patience with my lack of will to write.

I have been hit hard with not only the paycut, but now with the prospect that we will have to move somewhere cheaper, as we can no longer afford the rent in our house and we had to cancel our first holiday in 4 years, as we will have to use the money to move (deposit, removal van, etc etc etc).

The Beanie’s birthday is fast approaching and all the plans we have made to celebrate his 5th have now gone down the drain.

I have now a much smaller budget and his whole classroom to invite plus the 6 kids from our road who are his best friends. I can’t just cancel his party, he has been looking forward to it for months. I managed to save money to take him to Disney Paris for 3 days (yep, taht was “the holiday” I mentione above) and then a small party in the local Leisure Centre Hall, but now I can only do the party.

I feel so vulnerable. I feel I am failing my kid. Maybe I am being too shallow here, maybe kids don’t need Disney on their 5th, but thing is: I PROMISED HIM. And I was going to be able to do it, I worked hard, saved the money! But then this comes and we have no choice!

I then talked to him and explained that we will go to Disney later in the year when mummy manages to make some more money, he did feel upset but obviously he understood. But I wish I had not put him through this disappointment. It is all my fault and that will teach me not to tell him he will do something until things are ALL COMPLETELY payed for and confirmed.

Lots of you must be reading this and thinking everyone goes through phases where money is short, get over it, woman. I know, I know, but the truth is, never in my life I had to worry about money, bills, and now this is all I think about the wole time.

But then, 4 years ago, hubby decided to quit his job, change careers and go by himself into business, I supported his idea because I know how clever he is and how incredibly hardworking, but it has been a struggle since then- the business failed (not for lack of his hard work, but inexperience) we have lots of debts, had to go back to renting and everything has gotten a bit tight (to say the least).

Last year my hub got a nice job, things started to get back on track (but still a looong way to go) and we are paying the business debts. I was starting to breathe again, I do the occasional work, as a freelancer (in digital media) and I started saving a little bit of money so we could take “The Beanie” to Disney for his 5th.

Sorry to write all this I just want you to understand the whole picture.

I am normally quite an optimistic person, although I am quite anxious I do not normally let it affect my life in a negative way. But I am finding it hard now.

Writing about it in such honest manner has been quite cathartic to me, it is finally helping me understand that this is just another CHAPTER, and not the whole book.

It puts things into perspective and makes me look from a different point of view, and although I never expected anyone at all to be reading my blog, I know a few of you do, and write comments, and DM me on Twitter, and I feel really blessed to have come across such an amazing bunch of people, who are REAL, and have been generous enough to share experiences and give me their time of the day.

Hopefully next post I will be back to my bubbly self and maybe even post a recipe or something like this, after all a cake makes everything better, right?

lots of love,

me